Life passes you by

Wow! So it has been way too long since I spilled my guts!!! I have successfully finished the HCG diet; losing a grand total of 30 pounds!! I am very proud of myself! I plan on doing another round of the diet in August. My ultimate goal is to be 140 pounds... I have to admit the diet is not easy and you have to be willing to give your life to the diet for the entire time. But the results are so quick and so grand it is worth it!

Yesterday was my birthday, I turned the big 28. It was a lovely day at the beach with two great friends. I had been expecting a text from my brother and a call from my dad but when it became apparent they had forgotten I mentioned it to my husband. Magically two minutes later I got a text from my brother and a call from my father... For the first time in my whole life I was not concerned about gifts - I just wanted people to remember me. It is something special when someone you have not spoken with in a long time texts you to say happy birthday and to tell you they miss you. It makes you feel on top of the World!

This new year of my life I plan on buying a house, losing 70 more pounds, learn to bake French macaroons, take up photography, enlighten myself spiritually more than I have ever and most importantly, remember people on their special days...

I don't know if I can go on

So today is day 10. I have lost a total of 14 lbs but have failed to get a measuring tape so I am unaware if I am in fact losing inches. My lovely husband says I do look smaller but I am at that stage that I don't feel like I am.

My cravings are just getting worse and worse. Last night I dreamt I cheated on my diet. I woke up feeling so guilty! The hunger is not as bad as the first week but in the first week I did not have cravings! I was in the car yesterday while a Taco Bell commercial came on. I sat there imagining getting my favorite burrito... Even now while typing my mouth starts to water. I am fearful that my whole life has revolved around food and I just hope this diet will break that.

I have decided to start making candles to help keep me busy. I just need to find the energy I am lacking so I can go to the craft store and get what I need.

The diet continues

So it is now Sunday. I have been on my 500 calorie diet since Thursday. Per the manual hunger may still exist but should pass shortly; I have never felt so hungry for so long in my life. I have no energy and I am literally on the verge of tears. I am doing the diet per the instructions but I cannot help but think that I am doing something wrong. I mean, how is it possible to feel so hungry?!?

The one good thing I can say is I have gone down from 242.5 to 235.5 since Thursday. There are results occurring but I just don't see them for myself yet. I do have a tendency to be a bit hard on myself when it comes to dieting; if I am not losing more than anyone else who has done the diet before me, then I feel I must be doing something wrong.

I have many days ahead of me on this diet and I can only hope it will get better. I have already started planning what I will eat once I can have more than 100 grams of meat in a single serving and what I will eat for my belated birthday dinner. Oh and also what I will be eating on my next binge days... Yeah it's sad, but the only thing that is keeping me going...

The Starting of a Big Journey

So I have started my 500 calorie a day diet today. It started with 2 days of binging; eating as many calories and fat as I physically can. My first day I ate 7014 calories and 311 grams of fat. I felt so sick by the time I ate my lunch at 3:30 I could not eat another bite for the rest of the day. I ended up on the couch with a heating pad on my stomach for 2 hours - it was BAD! By the second day I didn't even want to eat; I had to force myself to eat and eat and eat. I couldn't bring myself to count calories but I do know I ate a sausage and egg breakfast meal from McDonald's, chow mien and 5 egg rolls, a pint of ice cream, chili cheese fries, fried chicken strips and a slice of cake!

Now it is the start of my third day; I am starting my day with a huge bottle of water and a nice strong cup of tea. I get to look forward to 100 grams of chicken and some cucumber for lunch and dinner.

So far, I am longing for some sort of snack but cannot have anything. It is something I will have to get over it I suppose.

I will be posting my measurements and weight later for your viewing pleasure.

Effect

Communicating is hard enough. I do not need someone to attack me for it...

I just wish we all could remember how we want to be treated but alas it is Planet Earth and no one is perfect.

taste of life

I have been obsessed with cake for the last 2 weeks. Nothing has satisfied my craving thus far... I never thought it would be so hard to find a moist, sweet, fresh, tasty cake but alas it is.

It's funny how you can take things for granted. I remember being able to go to the Cuban bakery in LA. All your senses were satisfied with just one visit. They had everything from savory to sweet!

But now in the new city, I need to open my eyes and nose and find those special places that I can remember to not take for granted.

spring

Well I just cannot get over how beautiful it has been! I have never seen a Blue Jay in person and there was one right outside my winder the other morning! And don't let me forget to mention all the Cherry Blossom trees! Every window I look out of I see them!

I got to ride the Max line yesterday and it was actually a great way to see the city! I may just take it more often!

I hope that everyone can look around and notice the beauty all around them...

beautiful times

It was Valentine's Day yesterday. While I did not receive the normal flowers and chocolates from my husband I received something better. TIME! We spent the day together walking, talking and laughing. By the end of the day I felt great!

When thinking of Valentine's Day one should maybe think of love. Love your your husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend, child, mother, father or whomever... It is not about the material things but love and showing those you know that you love them.

Most importantly, remember to love yourself...

Life changes

I find myself changing these days, like slowly losing my way. It's something new and different. I am not sure if I like it or if it is for the best but it is something I have decided to embrace.

You walk through life trying to be what everyone wants you to be and then one day, you find you don't like it anymore and you want to find yourself. Where does one start? I have always been the little kid, the one who everyone had to take care of. When does one finally say enough? When does one finally say I am taking care of myself? Well, for me that time is now.

I do not know if I am fully ready to take this path along a new and strange road but now there is no choice. I must just walk and walk and then keep walking until I find my way home again...

wasting time

Why do people not tell you they have a problem with you at the time they are having a problem with you, and then tell you too late making it impossible to fix what you have done?

Also, if they are not with you 24 hours a day and are not really aware of what it is you do, why do they have a "problem" with you? Accusing someone of spending to much time watching TV, spending too much money, not working enough... REALLY? Who are you to tell someone what is right or not?

It is easy to be a critic but not so much to be the criticized. I think it would behoove all of us to think of this when judging others: Until you have walked in their shoes and really know what it is like to live their life you have no right to look down on them...

I am not interested in dwelling on the past but seriously, WHY ARE SOME PEOPLE SO DUMB?

my new things

So, I have decided to be more open about trying things. Especially food. Growing up I never was given many different foods. Just the basic meat and potatoes kind of family. Then along came my husband, who was the opposite of me. Always willing to try something at least once. He would try and bribe me to try new and, what seemed to me, strange things. Alas I have opened my mind, well a bit anyways.

Recently we were invited to the Oregon Culinary Institute for dinner. First I have to say the school is amazing and the food, the students make, is more than amazing. They use locally grown, in season produce which makes the experience even more enjoyable. Before going, I told my husband that I wanted to try something new. Not just one thing but all four courses needed to be something new or something I would not normally order. I started off with the butternut squash fritter with quince dipping sauce which also included thyme, which I not only found unique but intriguing. I then had the roasted pumpkin salad, to die for, with frisée, pickled raisins, toasted hazelnuts and dry jack cheese with Saba vinaigrette. Then for my main course I had the grilled venison– parsnip and potato purée, glazed cippolini onions, cavolo nero and sauce Muscovite. And to top off the evening I had the Angel food cake with a sorbet trio.

I have to say it was one of the most fascinating eating experiences I have ever had. I have never eaten veal and had said many times in the past that I would never eat veal. I feel ashamed for not discovering this sooner. It gave me new hope that there are foods out there, that if I am willing to just give a try I will not only like them but possibly love them...

So I have decided to start a blog. I have come to a point in my life that I have questions and answers for so many things and no place to express these ideas. I am no one special or different or someone trying to start a revolution. I am just a girl who has something to say...